When self-care feels like another thing on the to-do list

Sometimes doing one less thing is a radical act of self-care

by Samuel Ike | October 16, 2025

My therapist advised me to engage in more meditation. A friend sent me a link to a YouTube channel dedicated to yoga. In the waiting room at the clinic, I picked up a pamphlet with a lot of well-meaning advice, including: “Find joy in small moments.”

As I continued to come across more advice like this, I decided to update my to-do list. On that list, between “call insurance” and “pick up prescriptions,” I included “try to be less stressed.” For some reason, that particular item remains unchecked after several days.

Questions to ask a caregiver — and which ones to avoid

The irony of prescribed peace

It seems like everywhere we look there is self-care advice. But I’ve found that most of that advice omits the paramount rule of caregiving: Caregivers don’t have any time, and they have less energy than most people.

To appreciate that caregiving rule, let’s consider the reality of some of the most common pieces of self-care advice:

“Just breathe.” This is good for clearing a mind that is overwhelmed by the administrative work involved with caregiving. However, “just breathe” doesn’t pay outstanding hospital bills, fill out financial aid forms, or engage in arguments with hospital billing departments.

“Have at least one bubble bath per week.” Feeling burned out, stressed, and exhausted is common for a caregiver. A bubble bath surely would help to relax, but bubble baths aren’t free. Plus, you’d need to commit at least 30 minutes that you don’t have, and it’d create a mess that you’d have to clean up afterward.

“Guilt is not a catalyst.” When people advise me to do more, even if it’s for myself, it seems to add more burden to what I’m already carrying every day as a caregiver. To be honest, real self-care isn’t supposed to feel so formal and judgmental, as if it were an examination, evaluation, or performance review.

What sustainable self-care looks like

Recently, I decided to take a critical look at care to understand it better and redefine what it looks like. I wanted my definition of care to suit me perfectly. In doing so, I now realize that care for me is less about adding more things to a to-do-list. Rather, it’s about making changes to how I relate to things I’m already doing.

To give you a better illustration, the following are ways that I’m currently practicing self-care. Try them out to see if any of them works for you:

Having others ask for exactly what we need. I don’t want people to say, “Let me know if you need anything.” Rather, it’s better to be specific and ask something like, “Can you pick up my child on Thursday?” Or, “Can you sit with mother for 30 minutes so I can take a walk?”

Getting micro-rest. Before going into the hospital, deliberately sit inside your car for at least two minutes. Don’t do anything or call anyone. Just sit there for two minutes. Also, when you’re doing the dishes, listen to one of your favorite songs. It shouldn’t be a playlist, just a song that you really love.

Permission to do less. Make use of paper plates so that you’ll have fewer dishes to wash. Order groceries online rather than taking time to visit a local store.

A mantra to remember

Sometimes doing one less thing could be the most radical act of self-care you could ever do.

A realistic starting point

This week, try to discover one thing you can stop doing. Then order takeout. Do not fold the laundry. Deliberately leave a task undone. Then, see if the world is still turning. (I’m sure it will be.)

Note: Rare Cancer News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Rare Cancer News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to rare cancer.

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About the Author

Samuel Ike Samuel Ike blends his lived experience as a caregiver for his mother, who was diagnosed with myeloma in 2022, with his professional background writing on health and wellness. He's contributed to Meer.com, Venture Magazine, and Long Sweet Valuable, distilling complex medical topics into relatable narratives. Samuel's column focuses on the intersection of emotional resilience and practical caregiving, offering humor, hard-won wisdom, and actionable advice. Based in Nigeria, he's passionate about music, travel, and writing stories that make patients and caregivers feel seen. His mission is to turn isolation into connection, one column at a time.

When self-care feels like another thing on the to-do list